I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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