does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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