We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
