what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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