apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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