So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
