Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
