matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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