Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
