How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
