Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Can you repeat that, but with context?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
