i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
