im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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