The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
