ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
