I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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