i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Sext me about skeletons
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize