Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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