I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
