I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Randomize
