I'm laying in your front yard are you home
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
