There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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