There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Randomize
