have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
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