He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize