you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
