whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
