they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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