I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize