shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize