I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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