Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
