I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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