Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
