i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
