I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Randomize
