Pants 0. Shit 1.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
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