i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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