all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
