i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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