onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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