Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Randomize
