oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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