You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
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