You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
