we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
