How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
