yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
