i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
