I smell stomach acid.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
