john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
