The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
