a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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