I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize