I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
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