How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Randomize
