bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
