OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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