I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize