I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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