oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
vagina is talking i cant
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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