VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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