Hey man sorry I got all grabby
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize